【June】 "Katsudon" for Living Beautifully Tomorrow

I wonder how many times now I’ve eaten Katsudon as if I was swallowing down my tears.

 

The first time was in college, when I went through a terrible breakup with my boyfriend at the time. I wasn't eating, just crying and shutting myself away every day, when my big sister suddenly brought it into my room.

 

I didn't have a speck of appetite, but the smell of dashi drifting with the steam stimulated my stomach, making it growl loudly. The cutlet, mixed up with the egg, was moist yet crispy, and once I took a bite, I couldn't stop. Even after the cutlet and egg were gone, the rice soaked in sauce was sweet enough on its own to fill the hole in my heart.

 

My sister grinned when she saw me like that.

 

"It's impossible to stay depressed when you’re eating meat and fried food, you know."

 

After that, she continued to make Katsudon for me from time to time whenever I was down, or so I thought. It was much, much later that I learned it was actually takeout from Yayoi Ken.

 

"I can’t even fry an egg! There's no way I could make something this good!"

 

She was trying her best to act offended, but since she’d always moved it to a bowl before serving it to me, I think she knew exactly what she was doing.

 

Eventually, my sister left home, and I started living alone too. There was no longer anyone to buy me Katsudon no matter how depressed I got. So, before I knew it, I started going to Yayoi Ken myself.

 

When I messed up at work. When it felt like all my friends were living better lives than I was. When someone hurled thoughtless words at me. Every once in a while, there’s days when I feel completely worthless, like I’m all alone in the world. Especially in the midst of the rainy season like today, when thick clouds cover the sky, rain soaks into my shoes, and melancholy fills me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, it’s hard to get back on my feet.

 

At times like that, I always order a large Katsudon. It doesn't matter if I'm hungry or not. Remembering my sister's words, I shovel the steaming rice and crispy cutlet into my mouth and eat with all my might, heartily.

 

A few years ago, my sister got married and moved far away.

 

My friends are all busy with work and raising children, so unlike our student days, we can’t just call or meet up whenever we want.

 

The only one who can heal me, always, is myself.

 

That is why, instead of crying, I eat Katsudon.

 

As long as I can think that delicious food is delicious, I’ll be okay. Just like a hydrangea that looks exceptionally beautiful when wet with rain, even if I’m hurt, even if I feel like giving up, I can continue to live beautifully tomorrow, just as I am.

 

Believing this, I empty my bowl again today, leaving not a single grain of rice behind.

 

Through the gaps in the clouds, the ultramarine sky peeks through, and a single ray of light shines in.

 

Text by Momo Tachibana / Illustration by Mog Hatakeyama